Hello my lovelies.
This is difficult to write…so….deep breath…here goes….
I’m here to explain my absence – it’s been a long, long time since my last post. Lots has happened and I have to admit, I’ve been hiding. Hiding from the internets, hiding at work, hiding from work, hiding from friends (you know who you are and I am really very sorry), hiding from family, hiding behind smiley masks, but mainly hiding under duvets.
As some of you may know (my tweets might have given it away!) I was devoted to my gorgeous wee fella, Mr Stinky – aka Bilko. He found his home in my heart and made my life whole.
He was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder last year and the end was so sudden that the shock left me reeling. The vets were just awful and while Mr Stinky lost his battle, the war with them is still ongoing.
It was so painful I never thought I would recover. There are days when I still don’t think I have, but at least I can function again. Every time I think of him my heart breaks and my eyes fill up with uncontrollable tears. I have to remind myself that the amount I hurt from missing him is equivalent to how much I loved him and how much he loved me.
I loved him a lot.
I didn’t notice that I was lonely until he came into my life and showed me the power of truly unconditional love.
Since he has been gone it has been almost unbearable.
I say almost, because I am still here. I am bearing it. I don’t know how, but I am.
I say goodnight to him every day before I go to sleep.
I say good morning to him every day when I wake up.
Walks seem pointless without my best friend.
I never noticed that before – until he showed me how amazing a walk should be.
Oh dear. I thought I had the strength to write this to explain my disappearing act (and my sudden re-appearance!) but as I type my eyes are leaking again. They leak a lot these days.
I will love him, miss him and remember him every day of my life.
But, Life goes on. So, I decided to give myself a good talking to. From somewhere I found the strength to pick myself up. I have given myself all the comfort I can cope with – it’s time for some Tough Love and it’s time I got back into the real world, so this is me.
I’m back, I’m still a little broken, but I’m here.
Here and getting back to teaching, writing, designing, reviewing and getting back to my old crafty self.